Sunday, February 04, 2007

God's Plan: Colts Annihilate Bears

So the Saints gave us a hell of a run and got further than we ever could have expected or hoped. Now, intellectually I realize that the success of the Saints isn’t inherently tied to the rebuilding of New Orleans, but it felt that way, and when they lost the NFC championship it seemed all hope died. The whole city was depressed. But then the next day came, and the one after, and it turned out the world didn’t end and there was still all this cleaning and fixing to do, and that’s when I figured that the Saints not going to the Super Bowl (as sweet as that would have been) is actually a better metaphor for rebuilding New Orleans. After all, the rebuild is going to take years of hard work, and it’s only proper that the Saints journey to a dominant football dynasty takes the same.

Meanwhile, I hope the Bears get absolutely destroyed by Peyton Manning and the Colts, because people in Chicago are assholes. I don’t know if word of this reached anywhere else, but down here we all know about the signs Chicago fans were holding up saying things like, “We’re going to finish what Katrina started” and the complete dick who said “Too bad you didn’t drown” to a New Orleanian and his 8 year old boy. So fuck Chicago, its football team, and their fans.

If the Giants had played Chicago, I don’t think people would have held up signs saying, “We’re going to finish what al-Qaida started” or told people “Too bad you didn’t die in the World Trade Center.” So what’s the difference between these two national tragedies that cost thousands of people their lives?

I think the difference is blame. Apparently, people can’t live with the idea that sometimes bad shit just happens. Everything has to fit some kind of divine, universal plan. With 9-11, there was a villain to punish, so that was fine, but hurricanes don’t come with a bad guy. The only one to blame is God, but God would never do something so mean without a reason, so therefore we sinful New Orleanians must have brought this destruction on ourselves. Consequently, it’s perfectly okay to be jerks to us and not help the Gulf Coast recover; in fact, that fits right in with the divine plan.

I’m sure I’m not the only New Orleanian who stands accused of being preachy, but when the president can’t be bothered to mention us in the state of the union address and when we’re confronted with attitudes like those of the people in Chicago, we tend to get a bit defensive. If I’m preaching, it’s because I have to.

Now I’m sure not everyone thinks that way, and I’m sure not everyone in Chicago is a moronic asshole. In fact, I have friends in Chicago. Nevertheless, I’m going to thoroughly enjoy watching Archie’s boy kick Chicago’s asses all up and down the field, because that would be nothing less than divine justice.