Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Every Little Tit Helps

So this terrible disaster happens to New Orleans and you consider helping but you ask yourself, “What has New Orleans ever done for me?” Certainly a legitimate question. In the broad scope, that question asks, “Why rebuild?” Yes, we’re below sea level – why the hell would you even consider rebuilding a city below sea level stuck between a huge lake and the biggest river in the country, not to mention it’s right off the hurricane-prone Gulf?
Let me offer a couple of answers. Assuming Dennis Hastert’s state of Illinois wishes to continue to enjoy the benefits of gas, he damn well better consider rebuilding New Orleans, because the pipeline that feeds the entire Midwest comes right through here. If you want gas in Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Iowa, etc. than you have to talk to us. So, Dennis, if you don’t think it’s worth rebuilding us, then perhaps we’ll shut down the pipeline and leave you without gas. Suck exhaust fumes, ya jerk.
Another reason to get New Orleans back to its old self again – food. We’re a port city and tons of the produce from the Midwest goes through, oh, I don’t know, let’s guess, New Orleans? Bingo! It gets shipped down the Mississippi and out from here. Plus, fully one-third of the coffee in the U.S. comes in through New Orleans and we will cut you off from your Colombian super dark French roast double latte if you’re not nice.
If that still isn’t enough, if it isn’t enough that New Orleans and the Gulf Coast gave us jazz and the blues, we have one last thing that we have given you, and that’s women showing their breasts for worthless plastic beads. I know this rather dubious practice has spread from here to many places in the U.S., not to mention other countries (ever been to Cancun?), as I have witnessed it in many places. Why people hand out beads when it isn’t a Mardi Gras parade is beyond me, but whatever. I think every male I’ve told I live in New Orleans at some point or another leans in and asks me, “So, do women really show their tits?” Yes, I tell them, yes, they do. Think of it what you will, but if you’ve ever seen it, if you’ve ever hoped to see it, if you’ve ever displayed yourself for plastic baubles or intend to some day, or if you’ve ever seen pictures on the web, you have New Orleans to thank for that, and now it’s time to give back.
There is a website, Boobs for Bourbon Street – no, seriously, I couldn’t make this up - that is asking people to donate to various charities and in return for doing so, grants access to pictures sent in anonymously of women and men displaying their chests for charity. All you have to donate is 5 or 10 bucks, and the last I saw was that the site had raised over $30,000. A drop in the bucket to be sure, but appreciated nonetheless. Their goal is $100,000. So what has New Orleans given you? Nakedness, my friends, nakedness. While I certainly don’t condone this behavior in any way, I do condone giving to charity, and if it takes boobs to get there, then I’m all for it. In that spirit, Gavin and I went to Bourbon Street the other day, stripped off our shirts, and took a picture beneath an actual Bourbon Street sign. I sent it in to the site, but to see it you will have to give. So go and donate, my friends, be it money, boobs, or better yet both, because every little tit helps.

4 comments:

Brooke said...

I'm not gonna go on Boobs for Bourbon Street (as anonymous boobs or a paying customer), but I'm finding other ways to help hurricane victims. It's good that you started the blog, which I really do think is good and accurate like I mentioned in my drunk ramblings last night, 'cause I was saving all your hurricane emails, but now I don't have to. Don't be discouraged by the lack of comments; people really are interested and probably intend to comment until they find themselves utterly depressed and at a loss for words after reading the daily horrors of NO.

dean said...

I like the way your mind works. Showing off tits is the grandest of activities, and I will surely make my donation. Love the blog. Had a kid. Missing sleep. Slowly going crazy. Wife can't move owing to giant gash carved in belly. I'll get in touch with again soon . . . beginning to feel human. Can I post a picture of the next Aidan Gill?

dean said...

you need to write some commentary on the Fashion god Mr."can I quit yet" brownie.

Judy said...

I'm not going on Boobs for Bourbon Street, either, and I don't think you'd want me to! I will have to find other ways to help hurricane victims. So when are you going to let us come down there (and bring Albus back)? Love, your mom